R: "Mom, look at that star! She needs her moon."
On my way home tonight, a memory came to me that I hadn't thought of since Reese died.
There were several months of my pregnancy with Reese when Riley was enrolled in swimming lessons and most of the time, I was her swimming buddy. On the way home each night, we had a tradition. We'd listen to the song "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley. They play it on Nick Jr. on occasion (where we discovered it) and we both loved to sing it in the car on the way home.
A big portion of the song is this phrase repeated over and over: "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing is gonna be all right." I loved singing it with her because it was the message I wanted her to hear - she will always be safe. Everything will always be ok. We'll always take care of her ... at least, this is always my hope.
One day, a bad dream woke her up from her nap. She was inconsolable until I picked her up. I was several months along and I remember trying to adjust her around my big belly. Her head was buried in my neck, her arms were around my shoulders and her legs were around my chest. She was holding on to me tight and it was almost as if she were sitting on my pregnant belly. I remember singing Three Little Birds to her as I rocked from side to side to calm her. I also distinctly remember loving the moment ... knowing that, right then, I was holding my both my babies close to me and I was singing to both of them.
I'm not sure why I forgot this moment until tonight but I smiled instantly when it came back. Many of the things that I thought I never did and that I miss so much now - like holding Reese, singing to her, reassuring her - I did do. She did hear me tell her that she would be ok, that she didn't need to worry. And she didn't. She went straight from the warmth and love of my body to the warmth and love of God and her family in Heaven. For a minute at least, I feel like everything is alright because she is safe.
This morning, I received a message from my dearest friend Bridget who is the angel mommy behind Molly Bears. She told me that, as of today, she has received $6,465 in donations in memory of Reese. I was floored. $1,465 more than my goal! My goal that I had actually thought was unreachable! That is 259 bears and 259 families that will be comforted because of Molly and Reese. I am so humbled and rendered speechless by the gifts of my family and friends. You have shown me that love really knows no boundaries. You have shown me how much you love our family and how much you love Reese. I will never, never forget this.
Admittedly, it's hard for me to remember every day that everything is going to be alright. But there are days, like today, when I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, it will be.
*Stole this idea from my friend Rachel who is the comical mastermind behind MrsMouthy.com. Thanks Rachel!
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