Riley: Mommy, can I have some more ice cream?
Me: No, that's enough for today.
Riley: Mommy, can I give you a kiss and then have some more?
Riley: Mommy, you are my best, best friend!
Me: ahhh, thanks! (heart melting)
Riley: Mommy, everyone is my best, best friend!
-------------------------------------------I have something to admit. I worry. I get anxious. I overthink. I try really hard to live for each day but on more days than not, I am worried about the future and thinking about the past.
It's not the type of anxiety that chokes you where you can't breathe (although I did suffer from this right after Reese died) but it is a bit more subtle. Like always looking at other families, comparing them to ours. Wondering how old the children are and how far apart in age they are. Will Riley still have siblings close to her age? Can I still have healthy children?
And then in other moments, I can easily start worrying about other things. Will Riley be safe today? Will she be healthy and live a long life? Are we raising her right? Will she get into the best schools? Will she be safe on the playgrounds? Will she make the right choices? Will she be happy?
Or maybe... will Roger be safe today? What would I ever do if he died? What will I do when my parents die?
Or perhaps... are we making the right financial choices? Will we have enough money to take care of Riley? To have more kids? To move? To get her into college? To get our other kids into college? To help serve others?
That's just a sample of all the things I think about on an ongoing basis. There is a lot in life to get anxious about. To wonder about. To worry about. To try to plan for.
I was inspired this weekend to create a Trust Chest. The idea from the book called Calm My Anxious Heart which I just love and highly recommend.
I found a gift box at the store (yes, I know it's not a chest but doesn't "chest" sound better?) and wrote scriptures all over it. Scriptures that calm me. That remind me that I am not in control. They remind me that God has a plan for me and for my family. That we have a purpose. Our portion and our cup. That I do not have to worry about what will happen or what won't happen because I can have confidence that he loves us and watches over us, no matter what happens. Worrying won't change anything. What happens will be what God has had planned for us all along.
Whenever I have a fear, a worry, or am anxious about anything, I write it down on a note card and I put it in the Trust Chest. "I give it to God," or rather, I acknowledge that I never really "had it" in the first place. I let it go and sigh with relief. I thank God for all that we have been blessed with so far, all that we will be blessed with, and the strength to endure whatever He has planned for tomorrow.
I am sure this thing will fill up quick with note card after note card of my ongoing worries (with many, many duplicates). But even if I have to add 10 note cards a day, I love the reminder that none of my worrying will ever change a thing so I might as well enjoy each day for what it brings! I also love the reminder that our sweet Reese was always meant to be our gift for 38 weeks and 38 weeks only. That God had plans for her in Heaven and plans for us to use our suffering and our love for her for good on Earth. That we will be together again! All of this comforts me.
Here are just a few samples of scriptures that I have added but there are so many that I love that I may run out of space for scriptures. Feel free to steal this idea if you like!
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you. Psalm 55:22
...because God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12
Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10