Me: Riley, you need to remember to listen to your mother, please.
Riley: Mommy, you're not a muuutttheeer, you're a mommmmeee.--------------------------------
I am frustrated today with a mix of thoughts and emotions:
- Love: Mom - I love you and I am very thankful for you. For who you are, for what you have given, what you have sacrificed for me, for your thoughtfulness and for all of your inner beauty and grace. I hope to be a better daughter this year and every other year that we have left together on Earth. One that thanks you every day rather than on just on some random day in May.
- Gratitude: I am so grateful for Riley today. She keeps me in check ... in balance on the days when I can't help but feel lopsided. She has no idea that today is different than any other, but I kind of love that. Her hugs are sweet any day of the year.
- Wonder: I wonder what Reese is doing today. But truly, I wonder this every day. Man, I miss her.
- Grief: I can almost hear the sobs of my friends across the country who are crying today because they don't have their children with them. Salt in a wound. (Another reason why I hate Hallmark holidays.) I am individually praying for peace for each and every one of them.
- Frustration: Why does it take a random day (do you know the origin?) for us to recognize and "celebrate" our mothers? Thank your mom every day and I bet she'll appreciate that more.
- Sadness: They blessed the new babies this morning at church and I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face. I wondered if we'd be up there with Reese if she were alive. But the truth is we probably wouldn't even be at church at all. That's hard to admit out loud. I am grateful to be awake.
- Appreciation: While praying for the moms in church today, they also prayed for those who had lost children, those who couldn't have children and those who had lost their moms. I could have hugged the woman leading the prayer.
- Compassion: I am so much more aware now of the hurt that some of these holidays cause. For all those people mentioned in the previous bullet. Without Reese, I would be only tangentially aware of this hurt or perhaps even happily oblivious. What a selfish lifestyle. My bubble has burst but I am infinitely glad for this. I wonder how many people are walking around in quiet sadness today, just counting down the hours until Monday comes.
- Trust: Today has been a little harder than I thought it would be. I have to constantly remind myself of the trust I need to have in the sovereign God who knows the bigger picture.
- Hope: I feel like this post has turned more blue than I had intended. The truth is that I love the idea of honoring moms but I hate that we relegate it to one random day of the year. I hope that we can remember to honor and love (shamelessly and with creativity!) all of the people in our lives who are important to us every day of the year.
- Conviction: I think I am going to officially boycott Hallmark holidays moving forward. Sorry, Dad. ;)
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8